dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
