Plan B is the new Plan A
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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