By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
