I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
