My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
