Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
