rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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