Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
