a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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