he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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