I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
