I feel great
I just peed on a car
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
