Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize