I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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