i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
