There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the raccoons are back...
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