i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize