Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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