Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
