Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
