I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
