And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
