I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You pole danced in your parka.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
