I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
