wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
