I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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