At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
