The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Congratulations! We have a period
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