I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
