so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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