Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
