My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
