i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
