You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
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