I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
