Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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