Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
