Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
