I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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