i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
