Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
