the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
