"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
