a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
