One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
