remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
