She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
