I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
