mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize