you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she peed on how many people?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
