Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
