i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
