ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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