if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
