I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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