There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
