Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Oh god it's open bar.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
