1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's never too late to be topless.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize