hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
