you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
