I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
