I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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