i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
