paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
