see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
