i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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