Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
