piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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