i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
