mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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