the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
