my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
two words...techno handjob
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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