and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
