New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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