I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We got so high we made milksteak
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
