honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
