dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
